Wow, What a Year!!!

Today has been a bad day for me. I started thinking about all that my family and I have been through these past two years and all the loss we have indured. It has been a rough two years to say the least. I believe the last post I made was about Baylee -- but not that she was here, but that she was going to be born on December 7th, 2010.

Today is September 17th, 2012 -- so just shy of 2 years later. Two years ago in June, we lost my dad. One of, if not the best man I have ever known. He was a rock! We all miss him, I think Rylee most of all. Dad must have met Baylee before she was born and taught her how to tease and smile that shit-eating grin. I swear she reminds me so much of him, it is scary. She was our light during that horrible time.

Last September, my mom was dignosed with Stage IV lung cancer. She is such a fighter and I am so proud of all that she has accomplished. She has undergone chemotherapy and radiation trying to fight this terrible disease.

This past March, my mother-in-law, Margaret lost her 7 plus year long battle with cancer. Talk about fighting!! She got to meet all her grandbabies and loved them all. We miss her so much.

In June, my Grandma Caldwell joined my dad and grandpa in heaven. She had been ready to go for so long and passed peacefully with our California family by her side.

In the early morning hours of July 15th, my whole world was rocked to its core. My oldest brother, Bill, took his own life. I had just been out there with him on June 28th - July 2nd and Rylee had just flown home from there on July 12th. I attended his memorial service with our brother John. It was an awesome sight! The Banning Police Department really showed their love for my brother. I miss him so much. I looked forward to the texts I would get that would just say "luv ya."

I have been thinking about Billy a lot today. He is on my mind for some reason. I heard Miranda Lamberts song "Over You," and it made me think of him even more.... below are the lyrics.

Weather man said it's gonna snow,
By now I should be used to the cold.
Mid-February shouldn't be so scary.
It was only December,
I still remember the presents,the tree, you and me.

But you went away,
How dare you?
I miss you.
They say I'll be okay,
But I'm not going to ever get over you.

Living alone, here in this place,
I think of you and I'm not afraid.
Your favorite records make me feel better,
Cause you sing along with every song.
I know you didn't mean to give them to me.

But you went away,
How dare you?
I miss you.
They say I'll be okay,
But I'm not going to ever get over you.

It really sinks in, you know,
When I see it in stone

'Cause you went away
How dare you?
I miss you.
They say I'll be okay,
But I'm not going to ever get over you.


With all this death and sadness -- two wonderful things happened to my family. One was on December 7th, 2010 and that was the birth of Miss Baylee Dyan Hooker. The other occurred roughly one year later on January 15th, 2012 and that was the birth of Maddie Jo Tinnes, my niece Cammie's daughter.

I am going to try and post more often because I find that it is theraputic for me. It might also help me deal with all that is going on around me. I want to thank my friends and extended family for your support during these hard times.